Helping your teenager with anxiety

Here in Melbourne, we experienced six lock downs between 2019 and 2021. Many children had to stay at home and were not able to socialize, either at school or in social settings. They missed out on one of the most importance elements of life, which is socialising with peers.

 2022 saw many children going back to school. How these children and teenagers manage these major changes in their lives is a question confronting many parents and carers. We know that change can lead to stress, and consequently some individuals develop anxiety.

 Why is going back to school or work so stressful for some people? According to one theory, it is because change creates stress which, in turn, leads to anxiety. Any disruptions in our daily routine are stressful. Even if the change is a positive one, like going back to school and socialising, when a person is under stress, they can react with strong and unfamiliar emotions. Teenagers, confused by the changes in their lives, might refuse to go to school, and might not react well to pressure from their parents to do so. You may be witnessing strong emotional, physiological, and behavioural responses.

If you can relate to these issues, you may find these two practices, that I use in my work, helpful in dealing with the situation. The first one, is to ask the child/teenager draw or paint their feelings. One does not need to be an artist to gain the benefits from letting go, being in the moment, and being creative. Any mark or colour put on paper which represents the feelings is ok. Getting images out and seeing them on paper, helps to bring insight into the various feelings of sadness, chaos, and other strong feelings when “anxiety” takes hold of the individual.  I know it may sound strange, but give it a try.

 The second process, is to do a mindful meditation about the social anxiety, followed by another artwork. Here is a short script. To begin, please read this out to your child to help them relax.

First, find a quiet space where you feel safe and get into a comfortable position.

Listen to calm music, take some deep breaths, in and out.

 Just follow your breath, with your mind’s eye simply watch it move in and out of your body, expanding and contracting. Feel the air coming in your nose and out of your nose. The more you focus on your breathing the calmer you will feel.

Become aware of your body. Notice how your body feels when it is relaxed. This makes you more relaxed and clear. Allow your arms to rest and become aware how light your arms are. As you become more relaxed then you can relax even more.

 Now, when you are relaxed, lets explore self-compassion. It is important to have compassion for others, but equally important to have self-compassion, especially during times of heightened anxiety or stress. So, place your hands over your heart and ask yourself now, what does my heart need? And allow any thought/image or feeling to arise within you.  If nothing comes up, that’s ok. Just sit with whatever there is.

 You can rest your hands by your sides now. Pause for a moment and let your body and mind understand that you are allowing space for clarity to shine through. 

Breathe deeply, inhaling relaxation. Take one more deep breath. Now become aware of the tendency to judge yourself harshly, or be highly self-critical about your struggles with social anxiety. Bring these feelings to your full awareness.

 Now place your hands on your heart and say to yourself, I notice I am suffering, and I will respond with kindness to these feelings. Let’s take some more deep breaths.

Open yourself to change. Breathe deeply.  Another deep breath in and exhale. Feel relaxed.

 Now continue……

 The following affirmations can be beneficial to increase self-compassion:

Hear yourself say these affirmations:When I feel the anxiety I react with compassion.

Self-compassion is not a form of self-pity.

I am patient with myself.

When I feel fear I react with compassion.

When I feel embarrassment or shame I react with compassion.

The more love I give myself, the more love I receive from others.

 (It would be helpful if you practise this technique the moment you feel stress.)

 Now, take a deep breath, and when you are ready, pick up some pastels, or crayons and make a drawing of how you feel now.

Self-awareness and self-compassion through mindful meditation and Art Therapy can help socially anxious individuals confront the anxiety with new perspectives which lead to psychological safety. Self-compassion is a quality that we want to increase when people experience social anxiety.

 Pleases be aware that these processes are not a substitute for seeing a qualified therapist. If you are experiencing extreme feelings of anxiety and depression, please contact a mental health professional.

 If you want to have support in doing these processes with me, do not hesitate to make an appointment by calling me on 0412 396 644, or email.

 Thanks for reading this. I hope you find it helpful,

 Dalit